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About Literature / Hobbyist *Ms.April*Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Inked In Rouge
Shallow system that tinkers within my soul playing its medley
Destroying the cords of my heart stripping away the animal I am
Feasting upon my own emotions swallowing the bitter pill
Of acceptance suffering the temptations to feed upon the voices
In my head taking actions to scrub away the hate within my skin
Negativity echo in my head taunting me into a deathly existence
I'm twisted and delicately sweet to my own demons pleasing them
With each cut I take embedding the wound showing my scars to the world
And you bleeding in my own story telling you my nightmare
Quite rare, the tone you seep upon thy reap you creep.
Sights flare within the mind of a once-valentine.
Call it mine, the columbine bled more truth than this blistered youth.
This blistered you...
On knees plead a heart bled
By what you said, "too soon to be dead."
Write our controversy, stout heresy mislead by dependence.
What blood could mend this broken pendant?
Pouted drops stupor stupendous.
Steel super suspended tempting
:iconasianblade:asianblade 12 5
my words feeding the negativity once again storing its feast upon my flesh absorbing the root of its maker pouring itself into my rib cage clutching within myself decomposing in the mist of it all belittling my soul with the spoils of doubt and defeat counting the days to my last breath with life so hard to see the bottle half full with jack daniels sinking within the darkness caressing away the threshold of my depression pulling away at my organ bursting into beautiful hues shedding red tears upon the floor splattering my true nature once again empty hollow human dragged around the pressure of staying true to her essence and state of a deranged loner fighting with the monster inside of herself destroying the bit of confidence she could ever spell with admiration laughing at the world while she's on edge waiting to taste the asphalt of the ground crushing her into rumble and seeing beauty in the breakdown   
:iconasianblade:asianblade 11 0
Mature content
Deisolation :iconasianblade:asianblade 11 1
Don't Speak
just a girl in a crowded world suffocating from negativity grasping for acceptance
just a girl wanting to be loved taking seriously on her downfall 
just a girl within a mask turning into a hollow hole
just a girl wanting to be beautiful in her own skin 
just a girl in her own jokes with no punchline for her emptyness 
just a girl following the guideline of her condition keep quiet and lie to yourself
just a girl crying over the same damn things 
just a girl to pussy to cut herself into two
just a girl to big to squeeze herself into a skinny jean dream
just a girl wanted a mother to hold her without judging her emotions
just a girl who needs to be sowed into a pattern of hope
just a girl wishing she could accept herself instead indulging her flaws 
just a girl denying that anyone gives a damn about a emo tool
just a girl eating away her existence
just a girl goi
:iconasianblade:asianblade 25 0
tears painting my face casting the shadows within the dark
pulling me under its claw's preyed upon death clutch
pounding fear bleeds within my skin and bones
my eyes draws within death scythe ripping away
the chapters of my life buried within my nightmare
why dry my tears but let another cry
impaired to my own emotions numb
to the cords of my existence silting 
my soul to reach upon your ears 
my downfall pleading for acceptance 
composing my cries into deathly tunes

:iconasianblade:asianblade 12 3
Soul Intimate
thorn swarming through my emotions swirling for the depths baring the ripening of my heart
shoving your exceptions of what you created spreading the venom in my bones  
brain washing my existence wiping away the dark arch of my canvas
breaking away the scar tissue of my feelings baring the structure of my soul
bleeding through the cracks of your hold confined to your dying will
prisoner in your shackles pleading to be free from the clutches of life
my mind is losing its will to fight within the let downs of your instruction
you force me with your commands feeding the foul spoils of your contradictions 
my spirit has vanished beneath the ground core resting into afterlife 
death a soothing soup healing my fears treating me with care
:iconasianblade:asianblade 7 0
Mature content
love crimes :iconasianblade:asianblade 15 0
castle walls
lower than low a princess upon her throne
her smile is force richer then most
poor within her own fairy tale

mirror mirror on the wall she pleads
everything i have are meaningless
my happiness fades with each kiss from a prince

mirror speaks these riches your born with
have spoiled your soul molding you into a
evil queen shredding away your confidence to the core
the crown upon you has crumbled to your feet

she roused with a uproar shattering her fate
cursing the mirror away with it's bitter truth
she gazed upon the pieces of herself 
she has fallen into the wrath of her own rotten apple

:iconasianblade:asianblade 10 0
Family Tree
What's a family tree when your the only one suffering
the empty cries of never being loved and growing roots
to be planted within a seed of love.

I've only grown weeds destroying the seed of my heart
down in a hole letting the sickness of the soil spoil my
thoughts wanting to pull and rip away the ugly of this tree.

A tumbled weed of depression a black rose of a hue
smearing ashes upon my family picking away at the 
dead leaves of my soul.

Rain pours upon my bark seeping down my stem
soaking up all the sadness growing me into wildflowers
for my family to ignore.

:iconasianblade:asianblade 12 0
my sadness pleads for hope but only shades of grey appear
my heartbeat strokes the melody of my soft tone cries  

my fears are seeping through my pores sweating away my soul
my eyes are drawn into the emptiness of the sea
my thoughts are seductive to suicide bliss for the afterlife 
my lips feed upon the negative taken the poison of my existence 
my ears are deaf with the bullshit of my own confidence
my hands can no longer create what i believe in anymore
ghost writer recreating my horrors of my depression

:iconasianblade:asianblade 10 12
Love Bombs 2
Love is a explosive high seeping through my veins
Soaring me upon its will and letting me land in its flame
Valentines has come again to remind me of my lonely apartment
Alone drinking hard liquor and sweet echos of porn in the background

X & O are embedded in my wrist bleeding the true color of my rose
Chocolate kisses are smeared upon my lips and fingertips

Cupid has tease me again playing its role to my temptations
Adele pleading me to set fire to this rain and take it all with my love

Heartbroken ill be for tonight upon my throne
Just another day for a sad writer who words were never enough for him


:iconasianblade:asianblade 8 4
The View
you've scratched my heart like a lottery ticket

revealing the pitfalls of our relationship
you've came short again thrown me 
within in the plies of your greed
for fast ass and bottom feeders of lust

you've sink yourself into illusions 
kept your pockets dry for the next victim
selling yourself for new bait feasting
on desires and youthful flesh

you've bend the bracket for lonely women
hiding yourself as a predator in there arms
victory has fallen within her gaze
rotten core of temptation and 
your pick up lines 

you've hunger for commitment 
but only receive late night text and 
long nights in a stranger bed
pulling yourself into reality
sex isn't anything without love  

:iconasianblade:asianblade 11 8
Mature content
Initiation :iconasianblade:asianblade 7 5
All Tied Up
my heart keeps binding into rubber bands
stretching and bursting to bitter dust
sweets coated lips bury's my thoughts
drowning myself in the arms of a married man
deceitful desires that conquer my will to please
lustful in a bliss that i can't resist to leave
:iconasianblade:asianblade 7 12
Mature content
ain't it pretty :iconasianblade:asianblade 6 2
Mellow Mindstate
crawling into the abyss sinking myself within its twilight
glowing its mystical kiss through my soul the enchanting koi
i become swimming in my beloved realm discovering how beautiful
i can heal beneath the deep pond i never want to escape this exotic bliss
these photos of you fades withing my touch bleeding black and white
destroying the colors of my heart all i got is nothing without you
just memories in a time capsule each remedy showing views of your face
cupping my hand into yours ruling our world with pride but i fell as a
casualty to heartbreak gasping for your pulse against my cold lips
you wrap your tongue around my collarbone digging your fingers
in my skin peeling the shells of my bones ripping into my heart
to suck on the crimson fetus devouring all you can of a parasite
you've became the maggot i adore
:iconasianblade:asianblade 6 4

Random Favourites

August 4, 2011
August 4, 2011
Dear World,
Today we decided to do our Mack Daddy Pimpin routine up in Hollywood.  We thought since the afternoon was so gonna be so hot , let's take it up there and make some cash.  So we took the Metro up to Hollywood Blvd.  We crashed the train so we didn't pay.  You have to be careful with that.  It use to be easier but now the Cops are always checking if you have tickets.  We chanced it and made it no problem.  We came up to the street at Hollywood & Highland.  I love it there.  All the tourists and the stars on the sidewalk and all the gip joints for the tourists and we looked around to where we thought we could make some cash.  All the good spots were taken.  You have to watch when you're out the spanging  because well some of the people out there are dangerous fuckin crazy.  We walked up and down the Boulevard and decided to take it up
:iconthrowawaygirl:ThrowAwayGirl 1 0
July 30 2011
July 30, 2011
Dear World,
I am writing this and starting this today with strong intent and purpose, in two days it will be my 21st birthday and I will finally be legal.  My friends of which there are many do not know this because well, my fake I.D. says that I will be 22, but in reality I will be 21 years old and I'm starting this because, well, I want to leave some kind of mark on this world before I end up dead.  You shouldn't think like this with only a few days to go and well, some people would like it if I never started this diary,  but I have to.  I've lived on the streets since I was in the sixth grade.  I left my Dad's house to be with my Mom, who was already on the streets.  My sister who is 2 years older than me, we left together in October of 2001 when I was 11 and she was 13.  We lived in the 9-0-9 then, the High Desert of Cali and well… my Dad did shit to us, well, me… me more than my sister.
:iconthrowawaygirl:ThrowAwayGirl 2 2
I am 21.
I'm waiting for more booze
We've been drinking and smoking up all night.
21 years and I've done nothing, but survive for 21 years.
I never finish what I start.
I never fall in love 100 %
I've never been in an airplane
I've never had a Merry Christmas
I've watched friends die
Had way to much sex, lots of sex
Drank too much
Smoked a lot
Have had every drug inside my body except for Opium
Watched a horse being born.
Never finished school
Lived in too many different place.
Never believed there's more to any of this.
Don't understand a lot of things
Understand things that people shouldn't have to understand.
Been spit on.
Been beaten.
Been beat up.
Been to the beach on a rainy day.
Been in a snowstorm.
Danced in the desert.
Woke up in strange places.
Seduced straight women.
Kissed lots
Beat up a few boys
mentally and physically
Cried myself to sleep.
Never danced at a Prom.
Never road in a Limo.
Never saw God in Chur
:iconthrowawaygirl:ThrowAwayGirl 1 2
Alone At Night
I lay alone at night
My mind thinks only of you
I stare up at the cracks in my celing
Wishing for this to be through
It's hard to describe what I'm feeling
I guess you could say I'm lonely
I'm not quite sure what to call it
But what I'm feeling isn't phoney
I feel the distance between us
And it breaks my heart every time
I'm not trying to make a fuss
It's not like you committed a crime
I tell you that I love you
You tell me that I'm too kind
There's something that's long overdue
But it's something I can't seem to find
I suppose I'll always wonder
If you ever think of me
For fear of striking my heart with thunder
I think I'll just wait and see
I never thought I'd be a fool for love
But Cupid's arrow has done it again
Sometimes I want to slap him with a glove
Because of what can never begin
:iconjunkie4janet:Junkie4Janet 23 2
ETC: NaruSasu by sirohikari ETC: NaruSasu :iconsirohikari:sirohikari 94 21
Vodka in my veins,
Each sip drowns these emotions,
And numbs memories.
:iconx-vogue-x:x-Vogue-x 21 21
Who am I?
Who am I?
You pretend not to see me.
Am I invisible?
I don't want to be me.
Sittin on a corner of a street
Trying to live and feel the beat.
Crying my eyes out
Life is all played out
Don't want to be me
and I ain't even twenty-three
Watchin needles go in
and people go out
Fightin, beggin
Is this what life's all about?
Moms on Meth
Dad likes to molest
hittin the road
is what I thought was best.
Lived on Skid Row
Hung out with workin hoes.
Now on Hollywood BULLevard
where life is so hard
Tryin to get a job
Dont want live like a slob
Cause dreams are free
but not for people like me
When rainbows don't have color
is it wrong to discover
that you are lost
in a sea of trouble.
Who am I any way?
Don't know.
Don't care.
Can't say.
:iconthrowawaygirl:ThrowAwayGirl 1 0
Perhaps this is for the best
That, we'll never know for sure
So, let's forget it, fast
Instead of longing for a cure
'Cause even though we feel
Stricken down with sorrow
Let's shield our hearts with steel
And look forward, for tomorrow
One last call, that's all I wanted
You were nice, prettty, down to the core
More than I could've ever hoped
Nothing I ever wanted more
So now it's goodbye, farewell
Don't worry, I ain't leaving
Just going away awhile, that's all
So my heart will keep from hurting
:iconchamberlainofravens:ChamberlainOfRavens 7 2
She's sleeping alone tonight
She's cold and shaking
It seems they got in a fight
But there is no making
up this time
this is a broken heart crime
She doesn't want to hear his lies
so she screams
"take me away from here
I don't want to lose another
single tear
crying over you
You were the highlight of my year
But now you've left me sad and blue
So I'm gone.."
She packs her shit and runs
She doesn't need him anymore
She left him crying on the floor
He tried to block the door
but she screamed
"im getting away from here
I'm not wasting another
single tear
Crying over you
You were the highlight of my year
But now you've left me sad and blue
So I'm gone..."
Now she's gone
And he knows now that
He was wrong
But its too late now...
:iconaibfinnia:Aibfinnia 7 8
she wants them all to just
L E A V E H E R A L O N E .
she wants him
to to love her
( because who else would ? )
she wants the other boy
to go away
( because he cares too much )
but mostly
because she doesn't want
him to know her inside and out
she doesn't want anyone
getting close to her
no one needs to know that much
about her.
:iconjadite:Jadite 24 9
Mask of Stone
I live within this hard, emotionless shell to protect myself
I live within this shell to protect myself from the pain and hardships of the
I hide behind this cold, emotionless mask to keep you at bay so that you can't
hurt me
I hide behind this mask so that you will be hesitant
I hide behind this mask so that you can't see my pain
I say that I'm fine when I'm really not
I smile and say that there is nothing wrong but when I turn around a single
tear drops and I whisper "Everything"
I say that you need to mind your own business but what I really mean by
that is that I want you to pry
I want you to chip away at my armor
I want you to break me out of this armor
I want you to force your way in and pull me out
I want you to care
:iconcharlesachaloupka:CharlesAChaloupka 15 32
It's stalking me everywhere
Drowning my mind in sadness
Lingering dimly in the air
As I fade into the darkness
Solitude is taking its toll
Wave after wave of sorrow
Eroding away a crushed soul
No hope left for tomorrow
It used to be all contained
Now it starts breaking free
Unable to keep it restrained
And tearing right out of me
Deep and devastating scars
Lacerating my lonely being
Deserted beneath the stars
It's my face you hate seeing
It's taking over everything
Burying me with depression
Thoughts bear a bitter sting
My sad concealed confession
Tears loosely held at bay
Refusing to break and cry
So much that I want to say
But there's no reason to try
No words that I can find
There is no glimpse of hope
No way to change your mind
It is just my job to cope
Handle the pain, the defeat
Swallow it up deep inside
Bid you a dejected retreat
Return to my corner and hide
Because hope doesn't exist
It is only delayed despair
Against which you can resist
'til you feel your soul tear
:iconcalumdc:CalumDC 13 25
He Watched Me Do It
He watched me do it
that night, you know.
Sitting back on his haunches
in the kitchen doorway,
he gazed intently at me,
sitting somberly at the kitchen table,
with his sad, brown, puppy-dog eyes.
Those eyes never left me,
from the moment I tiptoed downstairs
to when I walked out the door.
I filled a water bottle with water from the fridge
and pulled a pill bottle out of the cabinet.
He stared at me as I sat,
a capless, Heineken-bottle green water bottle
in one of my bloody hands,
and a bottle of pills-
180 100mg tablets of Gabapentin-
in the other hand.
He regarded me silently as I
screwed off the child-proof cap
and poured the first few pills into my hand.
I knocked them back
and washed them down with some water.
51 pills later, he was still looking.
By then, I grew slightly uneasy
under his watchful eyes.
He followed me into the hallway
as I pulled on my snow boots.
He cocked his head at me
as if to say "what, no jacket?
It's the middle of winter!"
I ignored the unspoken question
:icondiwu6398:diwu6398 4 18
How to Read and Why
Maybe if you read this poem
you won't feel so lonely anymore.
Maybe the words will wrap their syllables
around your skin. Maybe the rhythm
will reel you up from whatever
dark sea you've been drowning in.
:iconexistencewesummonyou:ExistenceWeSummonYou 17 18
You were my melody .
Your grip on my heart is finally loosening.
I've forgotten how it feels to be whole
and right now, this is the closest to whole
I've been in a long time.
I'm slowly starting to forget the way you held me,
the way the sun reflected off your skin,
how my name used to dance off your tongue.
It's like when you have a song you love
and listen to all the time
and then one day you just

And you slowly forget about it,
until you stumble upon it one lovely day,
a year later and it brings a smile to your face but
the feelings it used to induce are gone.
You were my favourite melody,
to which I wanted to wake up and fall asleep to
every day, but eventually
you just didn't sound the same anymore.
:iconsasunaru16:sasunaru16 61 33



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Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
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Current Residence: Tampa
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MP3 player of choice: IPod Touch
Favourite cartoon character: Sasuke


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LoloAgain Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017
Favorite by LoloAgain Obsession   Obsession by LoloAgain :D (Big Grin) 
Miyanko-chan Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks so much for the fav!! (⌒▽⌒)☆
birthdays Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2016
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

On behalf of the birthdays team, I sincerely apologize that your greeting has arrived late this year.

We hope you had an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2016
Happy birthday! :D
LidiaVives Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2016  Professional Photographer

thx for the fav! :D <3 

if you like my work you can follow me on:



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